Last week was a tough week. We had a lot of things going on at home.... good and bad. But it was a complete overload for all of us. K & O took a nap together and I decided I needed a little alone time. Alone time is rare for me. I'm an exhausting extrovert who loves to be around people (almost any people) that will talk and laugh with me. It will shock none of you that know me to hear me say that I don't meditate well. I don't do solo sports well. I don't do much well that requires silence and contemplation.
I needed silence last weekend though. So I went to the pottery studio and cleaned off my bisque shelf and glazed everything. I glazed at least 20 pieces in the span of an hour and a half (vases, mugs, patens, etc). I was alone with music I could sing along to playing in the background. Yes, I had music playing. I took the step to be alone, you don't think I'm going to do it in complete silence. I'm not a monk.
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I tried several glazes in combinations that I hadn't before. I was grumpy and took risks. I didn't try to get out of the bad mood. I just accepted it for what it was and worked with it. I think there will be some great pieces that come out of the next kiln firing..
As I was there I began thinking about how this need to be in class (or community) with my pottery peers as well as be alone in the pottery studio experimenting with new glazes and techniques is very similar to my experience with Church and with God.
I love Church. I love the music, the readings, the high shine that the altar guild gets on the brass, the intellectual sermons, the Eucharist, the coffee hour, the kids tearing the parish hall apart and the Community (big C). I love worshiping in unison. I love saying prayers and hearing our communal voices echo off the big wooden overturned hull of a boat that is our ceiling.
But sometimes, just sometimes, I need silence. I need to be alone - to pray, or give praise, or work some idea out that has been gnawing at my soul. .
There are parallels in both these artistic and spiritual journeys. For me, they require both communal and individual focus. I'm not much of an introvert, but am growing to respect the benefits that come from focusing on that small part of myself.
7 comments:
Jimmy, we are such polar opposites!
I'm painfully introverted...there is nothing better to me than sitting in silence with only my thoughts, ideas, art supplies. Right now, I'm listening to the hum of the refrigerator and THAT's too loud - Finn is at Nursery School.
I felt as though I had to force myself out of my comfort zone (at least for the sake of my son) and decided to volunteer to teach Vacation Bible School. I can honestly say I am overwhelmed by all the chatty woman but they all seem incredibly nice...so, we'll see how I do.
A change is good once in a while!
I love, love LOVE these meditations on pottery and faith. I think you've got a book here, Mollo.
Hmm. That's an interesting thought. I've found NOTHING of value to read specific to pottery and spirituality - perhaps I have to come up with my own.
Thanks!
Jaimee - My memories of you when we were growing up mostly involved you being quiet and shy... and me - trying to make you laugh.
It's good to get out of our comfort zones every now and then. I'll keep trying.
And while we may be polar opposites, it seems like we're working on some of the same issues. I'll let you know if I can handle it! :)
Good Luck! :)
Jim,
One of my favorite Monday morning activities is going into the church. Practically NO ONE goes into church on Mondays. Most of the staff is taking the day off. Most of the parishioners and visitors are taking the day off as well. But it's nice to sit in there with the memory of the celebration that happened the previous day. Remembering the organ and the choir and the joyfilled unison responses and recitations. But in the midst of that remembering, with the dim light so heavily filtered by the windows, I find that the silence bounces off the rafters, too. It's an experience!
Thanks for your blog. I enjoy reading your thoughts.
Peace!
Ok, here's the response I've been promising for awhile. I love several things about what you've written...
1. I love that you didn't try to get out of the bad mood, but just worked with it and through it. Sometimes you just need to be grumpy -- to experience the bad mood. It's not "wrong" to be in a bad mood--you're allowed. It's part of life that cannot be avoided and it has a purpose. The pottery might come out even better because you didn't deny and run away from your grumpiness, but instead embraced it as a valid part of who you are. Our bad mood experiences are just as valuable as our good mood experiences.
2. I love that you see the church as an overturned hull of a boat. Camp's chapel is like that too. I love the symbolism, and I love that each reminds me of the other...and I love that you see it in St. P's too.
3. I think it's cool that you are exploring the little introvert inside you. I think it's important to go spelunking into the nooks and crannies of ourselves that we don't really know that well. It's inspiring me to find my extrovert.
There you go! Write more!
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